Darling Fang Fan,
Bravo!
By purchasing our music on this download card, you have made a generous choice to say 'yes' to music, and 'noooooo, get away, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!' to plastic. You're the kind of person who brings their own bag to the grocery store. Your recycling savvy is the envy of the neighbourhood. I'll bet dogs and small children like you, without knowing why.
Hey, and even if that's a bit of hyperbole, we're so glad you've decided to buy our music on these cards. For our debut EP, we decided to put the burden of our art on your ears, and not the planet. We still love art and design, and things you can hold in your hands. Hopefully your one-of-a-kind Fang Pouch is filling that hole in your aesthetic heart. The fact is, Fang lives in a house with too many musicians, and too many large boxes of jewel cases that never got sold. We're not saying that Fang isn't going to sell exactly one million copies of our debut EP, but we
are saying: enough with plastic clutter and large boxes in the laundry room! Enough broken jewel cases littering your tables and jumbling beneath your beds. Enough!
Here are some other, surprising advantages to these cards:
1. Fang believes in the environment, and it believes in providing proper exercise to cats. The second life of "Diskopatska" is as a self-assembled cat toy. For full instructions on how to assemble your cat toy, please refer to the operating manual included in your purchase. Note that Fang does not have a narrow-minded view of property when it comes to cats. If you don't have a cat, exercise one belonging to your friend or neighbour. ** Product not guaranteed for small children or dogs. For all service and repairs, consult Fang's Technical Department: Kevin Garneau introdevious@gmail.com **
2. These cards are waaaaay cheaper to mail. So you could totally mail one to your friend in a letter, and it wouldn't even cost an extra stamp. I don't have to tell
you how pricey mailing can get. I mean, I love the post, but seriously! Are the mailboxes plated with gold or something? I sincerely hope that the letter carriers all have mink-lined underwear, for the prices of postage these days.
3. Do you like to read? Studies show that Fang's listeners are 25 times more likely to be attractive, and 45 times more likely to enjoy fine literature. If, at some point, you need to take a break from ravaging the pages of War and Peace, or the latest Paul St. Pierre novel, our download cards double as excellent bookmarks. We know, we know. You usually polish off Tolstoy in one sitting. But if you were to suddenly get called away to help an orphan, or build a library, you have no need to worry about losing your page!
Of course, there are many, many more advantages to these cards. If you would like to share some of your favorites, e-mail us at: fangstealshearts@gmail.com
Many thanks for listening, and hoping to see you again soon in your town! FANG!
!